It started with an adorable little baby at the grocery store who wouldn't take her precious little eyes off me.

It didn't help that I spent part of my weekend going through Cambria's old clothes for a friend.

But the fever really latched on and unpacked its bags when my cousin announced she was pregnant. I have baby fever and I have it bad.

Before you jump at the chance for me to take your newborn overnight to rid me of my fever, let me explain. I have a plan. I'm a bit of a control freak and a planner, and having a baby now does not fit into that plan.

But I still think about it.

A lot.

To the point that my doctor recently gave me antibiotics for a sinus infection and warned me that they would lower the effectiveness of my birth control and I thought – just for a minute – “Oh, really?”

We want more kids, there's no doubt about it. Cambria will be 2 in a few months and is becoming more and more independent. Now that she can play by herself, we find ourselves just staring at each other. We feel guilty about doing anything except be with her in the evenings, but the reality is setting in that she doesn't need (or want) us every second of the day.

Tiny little babies and newborn clothes are enticing. Finding Cambria's baby toys and gadgets took my mind on a trip down memory lane. The new baby smell, the coos and having a baby who fits – and stays without complaint – in your arms as long and as much as you want is all so romantic.

But there are a few things that always snap me back to my plan.

They say that you forget about the pain of childbirth or the sleepless nights, but I haven't forgotten. I remember all too well. I remember the sweet, sweet relief of the epidural and then it slowly fading away into a pain-filled oblivion. I also remember taking five bottles upstairs to get us through the night feedings.

And then there was the colic. When my adorable little baby would turn into something from a horror film and cry for five or six straight hours. Did I mention straight, as in ‘without stopping?' Colic should be a four letter word.

I'm also much too logical. Remember when you had your first baby and you said things to your husband like, “It just feels right” and “I want to grow a family of little children just like you.”

Now, the conversation is vastly different. Can we afford two in daycare? What else would we need to upgrade to account for another? Will we ever get a date night again?

I know some of you are probably thinking that I need to let all of these thoughts go and just trust in a higher power, or myself, to make it work. I think that's great that you can do that, but we obviously haven't met. I am a card-carrying control freak.

And even though my husband would love it if I added some spontaneity to my life, I'm sure this isn't the place he wants me to start.

Plus, there's the elephant in the room: infertility. I needed help from science to conceive Cambria and it's probable I will again. The ability to somewhat control exactly when you get pregnant isn't good for someone like me because it means I can have a legitimate plan. Not just a “I'll go off my pill and we'll see what happens plan” but a “how's June for you?” type of plan.

I can't be the only one out there struggling with these issues, right? Moms with more than one kid, remind me that it is OK for me to sit back and simply enjoy my one child who goes to bed at 7:30 because it won't ever be this way again. Moms who also have fertility issues, tell me to stop trying to control something that I'm lucky to have even done once. And moms (and non-moms) who also have baby fever, tell me I am not crazy for feeling this way, even after considering all these things.

Melissa Cruickshank is married with one daughter. She works full-time. Read her blogs Thursdays on momaha.com.