I was staring at my husband the other day when I had this thought: I have known him longer than anyone I have ever known (excluding family).

And this thought: He's getting old.

I had that realization because we have been married almost 21 years. It doesn't seem like it's been that long. The biggest change is our waistlines and his hair line. When I show the kids our wedding album, they marvel at how young we looked and that we even got together in the first place. (Because I am so out of his league!)

Over the years, I have figured out the secret to a good marriage. It's simple: Have a high tolerance for crap.

I see so many young people who want to get married and don't have a clue what it means. Right now, they are in love and obsessed with place cards, deposits for the reception and the last 10 pounds to make the dress fit (OK, that's the bride; the groom is making sure to TiVo the game for that day.) The bride to-be is full of the changes she's going to make to everything in her path. The groom-to-be is staying out of her way, smart guy!

My wedding cost maybe $300. That was from dress to flowers to reception. Our honeymoon was a night at an upscale hotel, a gift from the best man, and our wedding dinner was two value meals from McDonalds. We were broke but happy for the first five years of our marriage. I worked two jobs, and so did he. We had a budget of $150 a month for food. We paid off student loans and had dinner out rarely.

Now, I've been to weddings where $300 covers the ice sculpture. I know that the wedding day is the one day where every girl gets to be a princess for a day, but really what's the end result? You are married and have to step out into the real world with someone who will leave his clothes next to the laundry hamper. The man you love will be riding home with you at the end of a busy day at work and turn to you and say,” What do you have planned for dinner?” The man you pledged to love, cherish and honor will see absolutely nothing wrong in never wiping out the sink after he's shaved. He assumes that it's OK to wash your clothes with his load of workout gear and will wonder why you got upset that his zippers snagged your favorite sweater.

All you can do is be grateful that he did the laundry in the first place. Why? Because you don't get to keep score, Princess.

Your husband has done the ultimate move: He committed to you. Anything after “I Do” is a bonus.

You have this fantasy about growing together and learning about your likes and dislikes. Here's the wake-up call - he's as evolved as he is going to get. Lord knows I tried to change my hubby, but after two decades, I've learned that if he remembers to get my hamburger without onions, I'm way ahead of the curve.

It doesn't take a week in Hawaii or a DJ to ensure a good marriage.

It takes love.

Z. Carlson is married with two children. She works part-time. Her blogs appear every Saturday on momaha.com.