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My son started kindergarten this year. We “red-shirted” him, starting him at the age of 6. We did this for personal, not academic, reasons.
Our decision had little to do with how “ready” he was when he was 5 and everything to do with when his birthday falls during the school calendar year. In fact, our decision was made before he celebrated his first birthday.
He was ready to go at 5, but instead we gave him another go at preschool. Since we knew we would start him at 6, we didn't start preschool until he was 4.
I know this may seem a little odd, especially since his birthday is in the spring and not summer or fall, but the benefits of having our son older and more mature entering kindergarten outweighed all of the possible disadvantages.
Currently, children must be 5 by Oct. 15 to start kindergarten that fall. There is a bill in the Legislature now, though, that would move that date up to July 31.
My husband is in education, my in-laws were educators, and I have many friends who teach. Not one of them thinks moving the eligibility age is a bad idea.
Since my son has a spring birthday, he was in position to be younger than most of his class, and older than a few. By starting him at 6, he is one of the oldest in his class, which he enjoys.
We want our son to be a good student leader. He has a natural disposition to making friends, and now he is looked up to by his classmates because he is older. We hope he will provide a good example to others in his class.
To date, we have had minimal behavior issues. (Of course, he has the typical chatting issues that come from sharing my DNA.) We also have no concerns about him academically or socially. He is grasping the concepts quickly and is excited about learning.
Of course, not everyone is in a position to hold their child out a year for kindergarten. I get that. It requires paying daycare/preschool expenses for another year.
I also understand that some feel their children would be bored by waiting a year. I assure you, that unless my son is a genius like Doogie Howser, it will all even out by junior high.
I have heard from too many parents who say that they wished they would have waited to start their child. It is much more difficult to hold a child back than hold a child out a year.
There are many programs for children who are reading and writing above grade level. It is much easier for an educator to alleviate boredom than it is frustration.
That brings me to another issue -- junior high and high school. So my 5-year-old son was ready for kindergarten, but what about junior high? Will he be a late-bloomer? Will he be socially mature? Not only will he be young for his class, but now it's coupled with the awkwardness that comes from that stage in life.
With current law, a 4-year-old can start kindergarten. Fast forward a few years to high school. That 4-year-old will someday share a building with 18-year-olds at the tender age of 13. I would much rather have my son be one of the older children in his class when he reaches that milestone.
Also, I have also never heard a coach say to a player, “Man, I wish you would have started school a year earlier.”
I am excited that while our boys turn into men, we will still have some parental input before sending them off to college. They will experience some of the freedoms that being 18 brings while still nestled safely in our home.
Call me crazy, but I have had no regrets about our decision.
Judy Daniell is married with three boys. She works part-time.
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47 Comments
Posted by: Jen on 03/03/10 @ 7:46 am:
As a secondary teacher, I believe "red-shirting" is ideal. A year makes a differene. A child will be a little older with more maturity, both emotional and physical. In the long run, your son will have more emotional maturity as he enters high school at age 15, rather than 14. And when he leaves home to attend college at age 18-19, versus 17. Then into the real world paying bills and taxes around age 22-23 rather than barely 21. I have red-shirted my children and plan to continue. Good luck to you, Judy!
Posted by: Amy G on 03/03/10 @ 8:07 am:
My son's birthday is October 7th and we too, have decided to wait until he's almost 6 to send him to school. He's the smallest in his preschool class now and that can really be tough on a boy when they get to jr. high and high school. I think it's great that they are thinking of changing the law but it seems like more parents are considering a later start on their own. I'm sure it's the right thing to do for our son, new law or not.
Posted by: Julie S on 03/03/10 @ 8:50 am:
Amen Judy! I've never heard anyone say they regretted holding their child out an extra year, but I've heard plenty of people say they wish they would have. We're living both ends of that spectrum and I wish I could go back. IF IN DOUBT, KEEP THEM OUT!
Posted by: Lesley on 03/03/10 @ 8:52 am:
I am so glad you wrote this...it is so true...because my 4 yr old that started Kindergarten was a freshman in college at 17..and ya know how that turned out! I agree 100% and had I known I could he would of been out another year!
Posted by: Sandy on 03/03/10 @ 8:56 am:
Have heard plenty of parents express regret for starting their children in kindergarten on the younger side but have yet to hear parents express regret for waiting another year... : )
Posted by: Phil H on 03/03/10 @ 9:28 am:
Bravo Judy! If it feels right, then it is right for you. Thinking through this decision for our oldest now and it's valuable to see other parents' thinking on the issue.
Posted by: Heidi W on 03/03/10 @ 9:34 am:
My oldest too shares my DNA, which equates to "yellow" cards every other week and the occassional "red" card for talking too much in class. I want him to always get "green" cards, but then I remember my grade school report card...where I managed to ace all of the academicstuff...but could not achieve higher than a "C" for conduct. :) And I didn't turn out toooo bad.
Posted by: Robyn on 03/03/10 @ 9:38 am:
i definitely agree w/ having kids start later. it allows them more social maturity (in kindergarten, but more so at high school graduation) and more academic maturity. I think my, now 4 1/2 year old, is ready for school next year and would do very well, but we're holding him to 6 yrs also. He'll be attending preschool for 2 years also. The advantage to waiting for him personally is to mature his sensitive nature.
Posted by: Tina on 03/03/10 @ 10:56 am:
Tori's kindergarten teacher held back (they're called "seniors")about 5 kids last year and she's doing so again this year. She feels strongly that a child should start around age 6 and told me that several teachers are trying to get the cut-off pushed from Oct to April or May because most 5-yr-olds just aren't mature enough. I graduated at age 17, personally, but I never felt behind until everyone got their drivers license before me.
Posted by: SarahW on 03/03/10 @ 11:01 am:
I was one of those younger kids in class. With a birthday in September, I started kindergarten at 4 (never went to preschool) and graduated high school and started college when I was 17.
I think it all depends on your child. For me, even though I was one of the youngest in my class (some were a full year older than me because their parents waited, like you did) I thrived. I was ready for school and was in the honors and gifted classes and my parents had to argue to *not* advance me a grade early because then I'd be REALLY a lot younger than everyone else.
As one of the youngest kids in my class, I was still a leader. Captains of academic leagues, president of clubs, captain of cheerleading squads and VP of my Senior Class. Being a leader had nothing to do with my age.
I was ready to start school at four, was reading the summer before kindergarten, and would have felt stagnated in another year of waiting. And I never felt out-of-place in my class because of my age.
Everyone makes their own decisions, and if I had a child who just made the cut-off in the fall, as I did, I'd not hesitate to send them to kindergarten at four if I felt he was ready. For me, I am a little against the change because I don't feel there is enough information swaying opinion either way to warrant making it in the first place. There are children who need more time to mature, I don't argue with that, but as a former gifted, honor classes kid going through the public school system that constantly felt weighed down by a "glass ceiling" of sorts, their voices should be heard too and I feel that parents should have the option, like you did Judy, of deciding when is the best time for their child, whether at 4, 5 or 6, and not have it be arbitrarily changed.
Best,
Sarah
PS - This is not to brag about me, none of this matters now, but just to make a point that some children are ready early.
PPS - Good post, great discussion!
Posted by: Coach/Grandpa on 03/03/10 @ 11:31 am:
After 30 years of head coaching in a competitive high school environment I can assure you that red shirting your 5 year old is the only way to go. If your child is going to be small or really tall keep them out for sure. It is becoming more difficult all the time for students to find a place in the athletic or activity programs of our schools. You might think that your very bright 4 plus year old athletic child is ready for school and he or she might be. By Jr. Hi you may find that they are very average and up against classmates that are a year plus older. It's not hard to figure out who will win that battle. Give your child a chance to be a leader and contribute to a team or activity. The carry over value to academics and social development will be life changing for your child. Consider your gene pool when making your decision about school. That will be the deciding factor for many of you.
Posted by: Judy D. on 03/03/10 @ 11:40 am:
Thanks for the comments everyone.
SarahW,
Sounds like you were the Doogie Howser kid I was referencing. In response to you, I do believe that girls have a better time being younger than boys. I, too, was a summer birthday. I, too, did well in school and was a student leader. I, too, graduated from high school at 17.
Currently, if you have a child that misses the cutoff date you can petition to have that child start school at four as long as the child will be five by January. This will still apply if the law changes. So you can still put your bright four-year-old in school with kids almost two years older.
The current law really does a disservice to children who are young and are in federal head start programs. Typically, these children lag behind their peers because of socioeconomic issues and these parents are not in a position to pay for a year of preschool, especially when the head start program was subsidized. So they start kindergarten, ready or not, because there are no other options for these children. So now, not only are they young, but competing and testing against children who come from families that can afford to delay the start of kindergarten, and the benefits that a stable income can bring to a child. By changing the date, these children will now have a better opportunity to even the playing field (no sport pun intended, but something also to consider) before starting kindergarten.
So, I really don't think this is an arbitrary decision, but one that has been considered intensely by elementary educators. Especially after exploring the data available on testing 4 year olds and six year olds by the same standards.
Yes, your child may do fine. But let's face it, your kid comes from a two-parent, college-educated home, where books have been read and worlds explored. Not every kid has that luxury.
Thanks for the great discussion.
Posted by: JB79 on 03/03/10 @ 12:00 pm:
I posted in the thread on the forum that was started about this topic too, but I'll put in my 2 cents here. I went to kindergarten at 4, college at 17, became a teacher, and consider myself to be successful in life. I liked what Al said in the forum..what difference does a date make? If the child is ready, then they're ready. If they're not, then they're not. Our daughter's birthday is July 27 so she could start school at 5 if we wanted her to under the new proposed law change. Is she any more mature at that point than a child who turns 5 on August 2nd and would miss the cut off date by 1 day and have to stay out of school until the next year? They're, in essence, the exact same age. I know the need for the specific date, but I, like SarahW think it should be up the parents. If the date is October 15, that doesn't mean you MUST send your child to school. I think choice is best in this situation. Just on a side note, I wonder if anyone has thought to say that the child must be 5 by the time school starts to start school at 5? That would be another option.
Posted by: Trixie on 03/03/10 @ 12:30 pm:
Most boys should be held back for a year. As a teacher, I can usually figure out which boy started at 4 or 5 and the boy that started at 6. Girls usually fare a little better at a young age. In this day of having Kindergarten be all about academics rather than play, it is best to start the children a year later, and enroll them at a pre-school so they can learn play.
Posted by: Alicia on 03/03/10 @ 12:34 pm:
Great job Judy! Your article has simply reaffirmed our choice to "redshirt" our June and July birthdays and seriously consider doing the same for our son who has a birthday in March.
I am all for the legislation to move the age to July. So much has changed with what is required and taught in Kindergarten. The current legislation dates back to when kindergarten was a half-day or every-other-day event centered on constructive play. Kindergarten today is much more academic with an all-day, every day schedule. Whether or not the legislation passes, the fact in the matter is that we as parents currently have the choice to wait to send our children until they are another year older, thus increasing their opportunity to thrive!
Posted by: huskermama on 03/03/10 @ 12:56 pm:
I also think it's wise to wait, but partially because so many parents do wait. It's unfair to children who start at 4 that there are also kids who start at 6, especially in sports. It does give your child "an edge". When I was in Kindergarten in the mid 70's, only one boy in my class was a year older than everyone. Everyone else started at 5, a couple even started at 4.
However, I wonder what will happen when everyone starts at 6 -- then what do you do for that edge? Wait until they're 7 or 8?
Posted by: melissa on 03/03/10 @ 1:06 pm:
Judy and I talked about this and she had a great point for me. Although stereotypically, girls are sometimes more ahead than boys, even starting a girl that early isn't always the best. As she put it, "Do you want your 13 year old daughter in the same high school as 19 year old boys?" EEK!!
Posted by: 1stGradeTeacher on 03/03/10 @ 1:12 pm:
In response to JB79 -- you are correct that you do not have to send your child to school. However, many parents do not have the resources or information available to them to make a good decision about their child and whether or not they are ready to come to school. They get a letter saying that their child can go to kindergarten and send them thinking they have too. Also, many send children who are not ready, because it means one less year of daycare/pre-school that they don't have to pay for.
I am a first grade teacher and deal with "young" students every day. I can tell on the first day students who are "younger" nine times out of ten. They typically (because like everything there are exceptions to every rule) are also the ones who qualify for programs for students who are struggling. They have a harder time sitting and paying attention, and drawing upon past experiences to link to new information.
This year I had five five-year-olds and three seven-year-olds walk into my classroom. The difference between a seven-year-old and a five-year-old can be huge. Moving the date back three and half months will make a difference to those children.
When that law was first put into place the kindergarten and first grade curriculum was a lot different. I teach in a rural school district next to an urban area. Our kindergarteners are expected to be able to read fluently, be able to write several sentences (even a story if they are ready), be able to identify vowels and constants, comprehend text, and many other things when leave kindergarten and at the beginning of first grade. First graders are expected to learn even more.
Again, there will always be an exception to the rule. However, it would HUGELY benefit students if they would start later than sooner. Take it from me - a mom of a boy and a teacher :)
Posted by: AlWatts on 03/03/10 @ 1:20 pm:
I have to say that I disagree with you Judy. My 5 year old, who would just miss the cut-off if they change the Kindergarten date back to July 31, is excelling in Kindergarten right now. Academically, holding her back would have been terrible since she is already reading exceptionally well and would be bored here at home if I would not have been able to send her.
Her older sister, who also has a summer birthday, is doing very well in 2nd grade. Her teacher has worked hard to give her advanced work, but she doesn't have enough time to give our daughter that much. I think it is unreasonable to expect your son's teacher to the same if/when he gets bored.
I also wonder if you're concerned that your son could become a bully when he sprouts up before all the other boys?
Don't get me wrong, I respect your decision. With my limited experience with elementary education, I have learned one thing. There is not one right answer.
Posted by: Cindy on 03/03/10 @ 1:45 pm:
I have a red shirted son who is now a first grader and loving school. He is small for his age and a left hander as well. Our pediatrician gave us a list of reasons to delay his kindergarten start. No one reason was compelling enough to hold him back but when we got to 3 or 4 on the list she advised us to wait. Many of the reasons had nothing to do with the present but when my son would reach developmental milestones in the future. He will never be 6 foot tall but will undressing in the locker room in 7th grade be easier because he is a bit older and hopefully larger. The question I was told to ask myself was would I rather have an extra year of adulthood or one more year of childhood. I opted to give my son an extra year of being a child.
The reason the age needs to be changed is that children old enough to attend kindergarten can no longer attend public preschool. If your child is receiving special services thru their preschool they will lose those if you do not start kindergarten. It seems ridiculous to me that the parent cannot determine if their special needs preschooler is ready to start kindergarten but they face the loss of services if they do not start them.
The final thing that needs to be said is that boredom is a personality trait. A child can be easily bored and not academically gifted. As a parent it is our job to enhance our child's education so they can continue to learn and grow at their pace. My son helps other classmates that aren't at his level. Remember not all bright kids are bored and not all bored kids are bright.
Posted by: gbrhuskr on 03/03/10 @ 1:57 pm:
I have a son that turned 5 in the middle of June. We made the decision to hold him even though we had his preschool teacher (he went to a public school) try very hard to talk us into sending him. Telling us that he would lose sooo much if he waited another year. I found a private preschool and had him wait the year out. It wasn't that he couldn't read or do things academically it was that he would be a little older and more mature. In fact, right now he is in 1st grade and he is reading at a 3rd grade level. I have many friends who sent their children when they were just 5 and have regretted it. Their children either started out fine and then struggled or struggled from the beginning. I know there are exceptions to the rule but I haven't met anyone yet as a parent or teacher that say people regret holding their children back. I have a sister and several cousins in the educational field. They told me that one of the first things they look at when a child is having problems is when is the child's birthday.
No one has one size fits all but this is starting show that it is helping children. I agree with the new law b/c teachers are now having to teach to an almost 2 year gap.
Posted by: Judy D. on 03/03/10 @ 2:04 pm:
Great comments folks.
Al-I would be ecstatic if my son suddenly sprouted before everyone else, but with me standing at 5'4" and his daddy at 5'7", it wouldn't last long.
Seriously, I am not concerned at all about my son being a bully. In fact, we dialogue often about bullying-type behavior and since he is one of the older ones, he can stand up to those bullies much easier.
Posted by: Jennifer P. on 03/03/10 @ 2:10 pm:
As she put it, "Do you want your 13 year old daughter in the same high school as 19 year old boys?" EEK!!
My mom didn't think about that for sure when I started school early. I turned 17 in April and graduated in May. I did fine, but I know for that reason alone mom wishes she had waited another year, but at the time it was the best decision because of the situation. AJ has a May birthday and started K at 5, he did fabulous and does fabulous now in 1st grade. Holding him back would've hurt him I think. His friend in his class will be 8 in July so is 10 mos old than him, it confuses AJ, lol.
Evan will be 6 in Dec and start K this fall. He'll do fabulous as well! He's in pre-k this year and has blossomed since starting school. I wonder if some kids were exposed to school before just throwing them into all day K, if things would be different for them as well. I was worried about K next year until he really got into this groove this year and now I'm confident he'll be fine.
Ilana misses the Oct. 15 cutoff by 2.5 wks. I always said when the time came, if she was like AJ I'd push for early entrance. So far she's more laid back like Evan so we'll probably wait. Plus I like the idea of a kid in K, 2nd, and 4th vs K, 1st, and 3rd.
Posted by: SarahW on 03/03/10 @ 2:31 pm:
Not to put oil on the fire, but why do kids have to attend preschool at all?
I've just come from a family and community where pre-school was less of a big deal than it seems it is here (mostly because it was a lot more expensive. Public pre-school in LA was close to $300-400/month! Montessori and other private was more). And the kids who didn't attend did just fine once they got into kindergarten . . .
Granted, I'm currently looking into preschools myself, for the socialization reasons for the most part and to get a little instruction from someone other than myself, but only because it is now affordable (from this two-parent, college-educated, professional home who gets most of their books free from the public library but COULDN'T fathom paying preschool prices before.) but do you feel it is really necessary? If so, why?
Best,
Sarah
Posted by: Amy K on 03/03/10 @ 2:53 pm:
Wonderful Judy!
My now 3 year old son, has been getting "when are you going to start school little boy?" comments since he was 2! His birthday is in late November and that means he will turn 6 during the first few months of Kindergarten. Having been homeschooled, I never really did the kindergarten thing... so, I, in my lack of kindergarten knowledge began to worry... Should I start him in preschool now? Will he be behind if I wait until he's actually 5 going on 6?
I worried that I would rob him of a formal education... but at the same time I know that he has a better grasp on colors, shapes, letters and numbers than a lot of kindergarteners... He's definately not suffering or missing out on anything educationally!
I will worry no more! My boy can start Kindergarden when right before his 6th birthday and start preschool the year before. The only thing that he's going to be missing out on is peer pressure and stress. He too can be a high school leader, he'll have that extra time (that most boys need) to mature! Thanks Judy!
Posted by: Sarah T on 03/03/10 @ 3:30 pm:
Great topic Judy!!!!
I red-shirted both of my September girls. I feel they are FAR better off for that decision but I realize it's not best for every situation. I am interested in following this discussion!
Posted by: 1stGradeTeacher on 03/03/10 @ 3:35 pm:
Sarah W - This may come as a surprise from a teacher, but I don't think that preschool is necessary :) Now, let me explain . . .
*If your child is getting rhymes, colors, books read to him/her, opportunities to explore and learn than no, I don't think a child needs to go to preschool.
*However, if your child is not getting that at home/daycare then preschool would probably (exceptions always occur) would be beneficial.
*Also, if you choose to not do preschool, I would make sure that they are attending play groups, Sunday School, or other activities where he/she can interact with their peers. Time away from the parents is also important as I have seen kindergarten students have huge anxiety problems because they had never spent time away from a family member.
*Again - primary (kindergarten through second grade) is a LOT more academically challenging then it was even five to ten years ago. Check with the local elementary school to see what teachers expect for incoming kindergarteners and make sure that yours is ready academically and socially when they enter school!
Posted by: Dr.EdF on 03/03/10 @ 3:57 pm:
Judy et. al...
I would have to say that evidence is vastly in favor of 'red shirting' from my limited research. A book that is gaining popularity, NutureShock, is more or less a compilation of studies (with full references) that revolve around the various aspects of child development that purposely don't answer the "how" to raise a child like so many countless others, but rather the "why" do kids act the way they do. Results are quite surprising even to the most astute parent.
We have children who will be red shirted without question. Great topic and although there are always exceptions, I personally believe what others have stated that mental maturity, rather than intelligence, should drive this decision.
Posted by: Linda on 03/03/10 @ 5:50 pm:
Wow! A "HOT" button, I see! This is something near & dear to my heart. I taught Pre-school for many years & always felt it was my responsibility to let parents know they had the option of waiting another year before beginning their "formal" education. Not all parents are even aware it is their choice. I would explain to parents that when they send their 4 year old (boys especially) to Kindergarten...they are starting them with a dis-advantage simply based on their birthdate (& to some extent gender). With a summer/fall birthday, your child will not be the average age...but either younger than most or older than most...dis-advantage or advantage. The choice is yours.
One of our sons, had difficulty learning. This is a mine field, I wouldn't wish on any of you...& yet his struggles both made him who he is today & changed my husband & I as educators & human beings! One of those, "I wouldn't give it up because I learned so very much" experiences that I wouldn't have wished on anyone. In the end...test scores won't solve our problems with helping all children to achieve in public schools; nor will a certain reading series; nor any programs designed to help the struggling or entice the gifted. In the end, we know there is one constant in the lives of all achievers-regardless of their I.Q.:
At least "ONE" person who walked the road with them from start to finish
One person who interveined on their behalf when need be
One person who shared the agony of their defeats
One person who celebrated the pure joy of their victories (both large & small)
BE THAT PERSON!
Posted by: theremingtons on 03/03/10 @ 7:03 pm:
I read an article a few years ago about red shirting children. This particular article was written about those who do it simply for the future athletic advantages a boy will have...not b/c of social/emotional growth. I felt that article was out of line. I mean, keep my son who is chomping at the bit, reading and writing, out of kindergarten so he'll be bigger for some even bigger guy to clobber him in sports? No thank you, he can play baseball :)
I think it is a very personal decision, based on each child individually. To make the blanket statement, "I will hold all my kids back one year" is a bit too much. (I know this is not what you said, too, yours was for your son based on his age, not all your kids, if you have more then one) You have no idea their social/emotional/educational levels at kindergarten as a new born.
My son's b.day is at the end of June. He's in first grade and for all three years, he's been one of the 2 to 4 youngest kids in his class. He's done fine. He is excelling in academics, and when his teacher gets to behave/socialization, she says, "B is right on track for a first grade boy." Holding him back might have made him a little more mature, like a few of the kids in his class, but I can guarantee, knowing my son, he would have become a discipline problem because of extreme boredom. He's no DH, but he is at a 4th grade reading level...so, that is why I think it is a different situation for each child. My middle son, whose b.day is in April, will probably serve well to wait a while longer. Wonder how my husband would feel about that? :)
Posted by: Nebraska_Foodie on 03/03/10 @ 7:49 pm:
One of my college roommates had skipped the fourth grade. This made her almost exactly a year younger than all of her classmates. I think this contributed to some immaturity she is still guilty of at 30 . It also contributed to a lot of illeagleness as when the rest of us turned 21, she got a fake id.
Posted by: Jessica H. on 03/04/10 @ 10:36 am:
I agree with Al. I don't think there is a magic age when kids are ready. You just have to go with your gut and send your kids when you think they are ready, not when the school system says they can. Personally, I never really thought twice about the kids who were younger or older than me. They were just my peers and we were all the same.
Posted by: SarahW on 03/04/10 @ 10:59 am:
1stgradeteacher - great points, thanks for responding!
theremingtons - good points as well!
Great discussion . . .
Best,
Sarah
Posted by: Mommax3 on 03/04/10 @ 11:50 am:
Thank you 1stGradeTeacher for your comments regarding preschool. We've decided to not send our oldest to preschool. Although I was confident in the decision when we first made it, I've been wavering as of late, mainly because it seems everyone else is sending their children and I'm sure a bit too, because she's our oldest and I've have a bit of that "first time parent" thing going on. I know in my heart that she'll do just fine when she gets to kindergarten based on what I'm doing at home with her and the opportunities we're providing for her socially, but it's nice to hear a professional's point of view as well.
As far as red shirting goes, we're red shirting our oldest (she'll be nearly 6 when she starts) and unless things dramatically change as she gets older, our second daughter as well (July birthday). We're strongly leaning toward the idea of red shirting our son when the time comes (March birthday). We're still a long ways off until that happens for him though and thing could change. As a former Special Education teacher turned Stay at Home mom, there is nothing that I've seen or read that would convince me that it would be beneficial to send my child earlier rather than later. I would rather err on the side of caution and send my child my child off to school having been bored (hypothetically speaking) at home with me for an extra year than to send him and have him not be ready and struggle. And if he gets to school and is bored because he's too advanced there are enrichment classes available. Also, in my opinion if he becomes a discipline problem at school because he's bored, that's heart problem of his in my opinion and not a reason to send him earlier. Saying all of this though, I'll admit it's a highly personal decision and if the cost of daycare/preschool was figured into our decision it would potentially greatly change our plans, especially regarding our second and third children.
Posted by: Krista on 03/04/10 @ 1:15 pm:
I commend you as a mother for looking at your son's best interests first and looking past his tender age of 5 now. He will most certainly thank you later, especially in high school! Having had a child in school for only a 1/2 year so far, she would have benefited by starting later. Reality check here: Kids are learning to count money, read full books, and tell time just to name a few things - in Kindergarten! These are things that were learned in 1st and 2nd grade 10-15 years ago. My daughter, who turned 5 in May, was ready we thought. However, she would have been more ready and more mature to handle situations if we had waited a year. She did have a little boy in her class who turned 5 in October. He was a handful. A child just is not socially ready to be in school at the age of 4 no matter who the kid is. If the parent thinks the child is ready at 4 - wait until you see them in the next year at 5 going on 6. My child had a little friend come over to play who turned 6 in September. She was so much calmer and more mature. It is amazing how much our little brains change in a year, again, no matter who you are.
I believe the law should be changed. Parents are parents, not educators. Even if the parent is an educator, we see our kids through rose colored glasses not through the eyes of our teachers.
Great post! You are a great mother! Good luck to your son, too!
Posted by: Judy D. on 03/04/10 @ 2:45 pm:
Thank you everyone for such great input! This is obviously a very personal choice of mine and so I am quite passionate about it, as are all the rest of you. Such good comments and things to think about. What has resonated with me was "Do I want to give my child an extra year of childhood or adulthood?" For me, the answer is childhood. But I understand that others may want to give their child a head start on life after high school.
Posted by: mamajo on 03/04/10 @ 2:53 pm:
This is a very sensitive issue for me because my now 7-year old son's birthday is in July. He is now in 2nd grade and sensitive to the fact that he is one of the youngest in the class. His preschool teachers not only reinforced my decision to send him when he was 5, they practially insisted. His preschool was a child care center for newborns through preschool age and children moved into the 'preschool room' when they were 3 so he had already spent 2 years in preschool and all of his friends were going off to kindergarten. I desperately researched pre-K programs because I didn't want him to be at a disadvantage academically or socially, but didn't find any he would qualify for or that I could afford. I am a single mother and although I have a great job and make a decent salary, I absolutely could not afford another year of daycare nor could I afford to put my son in a private preschool. Judy said, "... there are no other options for these children. So now, not only are they young, but competing and testing against children who come from families that can afford to delay the start of kindergarten, and the benefits that a stable income can bring to a child." I was not fortunate enough for that to be true for my son, so he began kindergarten early and struggles academically and socially. Although he is one of the tallest in his class, he is subject to bullying and intimidation by his peers due to his insecurities, which I feel stem directly from being younger. I did not feel I had a 'choice' to hold him back, due to my finances (or lack thereof). His Kindergarten teacher flat out told me that he was "always going to struggle because he's young." She put that label on him and did nothing to help him succeed. We moved into the Millard Public School system for 1st grade and his teacher kept in constant communication with me and worked tirelessly to keep him up to speed with the rest of the class. She took it personally if he was not working up to his potential. His 2nd grade teacher is more like his kindergarten teacher and he's now being evaluated by the resource team. That just goes to show you the difference between a phenomenal teacher and a regular teacher. I doubt he will ever again see a teacher as dedicated to him as his 1st grade teacher.
As I said, I'm very sensitive to this issue. What I would like to see, more than anything, is the public schools implementing a full day, pre-K program for the children who are right on the cusp - those with birthdays between April and October - to better prepare them and equal them out with their peers.
Posted by: H MOMMY on 03/04/10 @ 2:53 pm:
I think it depends on the child and the SITUATION. My son is a July birthday and honestly, if he wasn't developmentally delayed(fine motors and speech particularlly), he probably wouldn't be starting K, because he isn't socially quite were i'd like him to be. Now, that probably sounds odd. But the reason for this...is being in school 5 days a week, will give him more speech, OT, PT and will overall be better for him. He went to Bellevue Public preschool for 2 years due to the delay, so he kind of HAS to go to K in a way. The school district says you only get 2 years of preschool on them(since it isn't technically required). Soooooo...the option would be an outside preschool(like at a church) and seeing a Speech therapist only once a week, etc. They won't be as able to access his needs, while public K, with all the speech, OT, PT will. Plus, he will get more one on one help. If at the end of K, he still seems far behind, he can be retained(after lots of talking between us and his IEP team). We have had many many discussions about this with his IEP team.
Posted by: 1stGradeTeacher on 03/04/10 @ 6:34 pm:
Just a few comments on the above comments!
*I see a lot of concern for students who may be "bored" in their classroom. I work with an amazing teacher (30 years experience) who does not allow the word "bored" in her classroom. She offers a ton of activities, books, writing materials and other things for students to engage in. If a student is bored that is their choice. I understand that not all teachers off those things, but being "bored" is hard with all the things that classrooms can now offer. Also, students now are used to movies, graphics, video games, and constant "fun". A classroom can be fun and engaging - however maybe not in the way they expect.
*A Pre-K/Post-K classroom would be awesome. As a teacher, we have talked about this for several years. However, just like everywhere else funding is an issue. Public schools are required to offer certain programs, and since it is not "required" it is difficult to fund or even find grants for. Unfortunately we can only do what we can in the confines of local/state/federal funding.
*As a side note - this week is Nebraska Teacher Appreciation Week. If you have a great teacher in your life or your child's life tell them how much you appreciate what they're doing. They don't hear it often enough!
Posted by: Linda on 03/05/10 @ 2:05 pm:
I say, "Amen!" to Mamajo! As I said before...we had one who struggled, too. It is a sad state of affairs that to some extent this is becoming a socio-economic issue. Schools could easily help with this issue by puting kids who are summer/fall birthdays in one class (most schools have multiple classrooms at each level). Most Kindergarten teachers would aplaude this. Taking these kids away from the pressures of older, more confident peers would aleviate so much pain. This classroom could move along at their own rate...knowing that at the end of the year they would move into a Kindergarten classroom. No pain...simply explained...when you're older you'll move on to Kindergarten. Granted there are those few who blossom & don't need the extra year. They could be moved ahead as per determined by the teacher & parents at the beginning of school. You "know" these children right away. The first weeks could be fluid for any children, obviously in the wrong placement. It could work. When I approached my administrator about it...the "reason" for this not working was that the public school is not requirred to teach pre-school. To which I simply respond: "Kindergarten teachers already are teaching pre-school curriculum" in each & every K classroom as these kids are divided amongst them, so that each teacher is tailoring the curriculum to each child's need. Most primary teachers are masters at this. But most would agree that to spare these children the loss of confidence would be such a huge boost to them for the rest of the school years. When my son was in 2nd Grade he brought home his first "reward" a penny candy--so proud he showed me. The first academic reward in his 3rd year of school. He looked at me & said, incredulously, "Can you believe it the dumbest kid in the class & I got the reward, today!" My heart broke & I said, "Son, do you really think you're the dumbest in the class?" He looked at me & said simply, "Well...maybe not the dumbest...but for sure not the smartest!" Kinda says it all, doesn't it? Who do we think we're kidding...surely not the kids! We were blessed with a wonderful 3rd Grade teacher who tailor-made all his curriculum for 2 years. She was the first to tell us she thought there was hope for our "slow-learner" as the rest had labelled him. We "held him back" in 3rd Grade! Not too many educators would recommend that, but for us it was right. Yes, he again started falling behind in Middle School. The difference was that by then he had known success & had the maturity to deal with it. Don't be afraid to follow your heart. There are no easy solutions for these kids once they begin to fall behind...but no one knows them like you do. Before repeating a grade I would be sure that the teacher that would spend that extra time with him/her was an amazing teacher. There are many out there!
Prayers for you all as you begin your journey. It's much easier from this end to feel we did the right thing here & there along the way. Much harder to believe that in the midst of it!!!
Posted by: meells on 03/06/10 @ 9:48 am:
1stgradeteacher, I have to disagree with your comments about preschool. As a Kindergarten teacher, I think your points about rhyming, reading, etc. are great, but taking a child who has NEVER been to school and throwing them into all-day kindergarten can be like throwing them to the wolves. It's usually a complete shock to their system, even if they are academically and socially capable. There are so many valuable things you can learn at home but school will always be a different environment. Red-shirting is the way to go. There are always going to be exceptions to every rule but the overwhelming majority will excel further if you hold them. We have a May baby and even though he would make the new cutoff and he has an in-home Kindergarten teacher, I will hold him. There is such a huge push toward more rigorous academics in Kindergarten (something I do not always agree with) that we are asking kids more and more to grow up too quickly. Holding them will not hurt!
Posted by: dodds3 on 03/10/10 @ 1:50 pm:
What a great topic...and so timely for me! We just moved here from out of state, where the cutoff for Kindergarten is September 1st. My son's birthday is early October, so you can imagine my surprise when I realized he could be going to Kindergarten in the fall! My son has an IEP, and clearly is NOT ready for Kindergarten (we were expecting an entire year more had we not moved here), but the local school is telling me that he is not eligible for preschool next year because he technically could go into Kindergarten. They are advising me to put him into Kindergarten with the intention of repeating Kindergarten. Maybe my thinking is wrong, but how in the world is this doing what is "best" for the child? It seems to me that this is sending the message that they are not smart enough to move on with their peers. What a disservice this is (to everyone involved, really), losing funding for our special needs kids...the kids who need school the most IMO, just because of a date.
Posted by: Jen P. on 03/11/10 @ 12:12 pm:
I am so happy for you that you were able to make the right choice for your child and your family. I also realize that many educators share the view that it is better to wait, even if a child is ready. This view is not supported by the research, however. In fact, it is quite the opposite. University of Iowa did a study, which is published as "A Nation Deceived" and is free on the internet. They found that for kids who are ready, starting kindergarten at 4 is one of the very best things you can do for them.
I am strongly against changing the deadline for school enrollment because it would take away that choice from other parents. It is not a kindness to send a child to school who isn't getting the opportunity to learn something every day. For example, I have a daughter with a late September birthday and we chose to start her in kindergarten when she was four because it was the right decision for her. Even starting early, she was still bored and then found non-productive things to do. She has a very good pre-school friend who has always been about the same level socially and academically and whose 5th birthday fell 4 days after the cutoff. Her friend had wait a year (due to the state law) and then skipped kindergarten after only a few weeks because she was so far ahead academically. It would have been much better for the child had she been able to start kindergarten when her parents felt she was ready.
Does that mean every kid is ready at age 4? Of course not! But, for some kids, it is the very best thing that you can do for them. We've got to move beyond the "tyranny of a birth date" and let parents and educators decide for each child what is best. If we change the law, it takes that choice away from parents and prevents them from having the opportunity to choose, as you did.
Posted by: Judy D. on 03/11/10 @ 2:49 pm:
Jen P.
Thank you so much for your input. I have missed the article from IOWA, however, I am sure that I can can find another article to support my side just as you can your side. I completely concur with you that the "tyranny of a date" is a problem and if you please read the response by "dodds", these are the children most harmed by the current law, not academically advanced children. BTW, most children who are reading above grade levels in elementary are not necessarily going to remain that way throughout their academic career. Meaning, it will even out by junior high as far as academics go, but physical and social development will still be that of a child that is one year younger than his/her peers. If you feel as though your child is ready and will be harmed by waiting, it is completely fine to petition to have your child start early. But if you feel that your child isn't ready, and still require services, there is no petition available and if you can't afford those services you may be forced to start your child and then hold them back. I feel that the current law is only in favor of those who believe their children are exceptional and does a disservice to those who know their kids aren't ready.
Posted by: Melissa K. on 03/19/10 @ 6:10 pm:
I sent my son to school at age 5 with a late April birthday. He did struggle in Kindergarten and 1st grade with sitting still and listening when he wanted to be running around. He also was a little slower with reading and I was wishing I held him back a year. But then in second grade things started to click. I've always heard that by 3rd grade or so things even out between kids of different ages and it really happened with our son. Now I'm glad I sent him even if he would have had an easier first couple of years because he is quite a bit taller than most of his friends who are older than him. He can thank his 6'4" father for that and not his 5'2" mom! My husband was well over 6 foot tall in the eight grade and did great in sports but was constantly harassed by parents of opposing teams thinking he was older when in fact his August birthday made him one of the youngest. He was forced to run laps and sit in saunas to make weight for football even though he was skinny, just tall. I can't imagine how much harder it would have been for him to be that tall in the seventh grade. So I do think you have to take size into effect as well.
Posted by: Billy on 03/24/10 @ 4:29 pm:
I get the feeling you are cheating by doing this. Cheating your child out of 1 year of life. Cheating other children out of fair competition. No question there are benefits to being more mature and more advanced but at what cost? Many athletic and academic teams/competitions are based on age not grade for this very reason. I just feel like you are looking for an advantage where there shouldn't be one. Shouldn't you teach your child to be a leader through hard work and commitment rather than an advantage on age and maturity level? If everyone takes your advice then there will be no advantage because everyone will start at age 6. Then who will develop as a leader? Right the person who works harder and deserves it. This is just a parents last ditch effort to create a better life for there child, which while understood, I feel is misguided. Don't forget children can be cruel to each other and if word gets out that your son is 1 1/2 years older than the rest of the classmates the term "slow" could be thrown around especially if he is walking around exuding his superior leadership skills. I love your other blogs and respect your opinion, just disagree with this strongly.
Posted by: Judy D. on 03/26/10 @ 10:32 am:
Billy-Thanks for being a fan and disagreeing respectively.
Cheating- this only applies if I am breaking rules, which I am not. Everything I am doing is within the scope of the age limit rules.
Cheating out of one year of life-I assure you that I did not put my son in a freezer for one year until he attained the grand old age of 6. In fact, he spent time with me, his 3 yr old brother and his newborn brother. They rode bikes, went swimming, played football, tag, ran, jumped, yelled, and played and I am pretty sure he was quite content, not feeling cheated. In fact, these are years that we could never, ever get back. Childhood is short enough as it is.
Advantage- I would love it (and so would educators) if there were more parents that started their kids at 6. I didn't start him late so that he would be bigger than everyone else, but because he would be more than ready to start into the academic world of kindergarten.
Last ditch effort...-I sure hope my "last ditch effort" for a better life for my child doesn't come at age 6, but throughout his childhood. Of course I want my child to have a better life. I don't feel that this is harming anyone, including my son. He is not a bully, nor will that be tolerated. He is not "slow", nor will he be at-risk of thinking of himself that way because he has a whole year of maturity to gain confidence in himself and his abilities.
Again, thank you for voicing your concerns.