Yes, we are friends in “real life.”

We weren't put together by momaha.com. Actually, we wouldn't let them separate us.

We asked to be writing partners because of our friendship. Plus, our motherhood experiences are very different.

Heidi has three children and would love to work part-time. Heidi looks at her husband and conceives, had C-sections and breastfed all three of her children. She is the mom who has her childrens' teachers on speed dial (and friends them on Facebook).

Melissa is a first-time mom, who has decided with her husband that if one of them were to stay home, it would be him. She had fertility issues, a natural birth and gave up breastfeeding after 12 hours. She is the mom who makes Valentine gifts for the entire extended family.

We're as different as they come but are very close friends who make sure to point out those differences as often as we can.

And with a little humor along the way.

Things Only a First-Time Mom Would Do (written by Heidi)

Attend Sesame Street Live, Disney on Ice or any other crappy stressful TV-character-led event just to please your child.

Force your husband to attend aforementioned event.

Drop your weekly allowance on some cheap spinning blinking device bought at aforementioned event that inevitably stops working the minute you leave the event.

Record every major milestone in your child's life (first poop, hiccup, tooth, haircut).

Not only take your child to infant swim class, but actually force yourself to wear a swimsuit so you two can bond together in the water.

Be prepared with a list when walking into the pediatrician's office (Oh hello, Dr. Feelgood, it's time for the DPT shot!)

Strictly adhere to the “list of necessary layette items” when registering for baby (cause God knows we all need 10 bibs, 10 burp clothes, 20 booties, need I go on?)

Have seasonal photos taken of your child (“I know I just had photos taken in October, but can I honestly use those for my Christmas cards? Our little one has changed SO MUCH in the last two months.” Seriously?!....Give me a break!)

Follow dietary guidelines on what your baby should be eating (My third child is lucky if she gets equal amounts of milk, crackers, lint off the floor and pieces of my hair every day).

Things Only a Third-Time Mom Would Do (written by Melissa)

Consider sweat pants and an Elmo sweatshirt a Halloween costume.

Use whichever formula is on sale, even if it means switching every week.

Not have the baby's room ready, clothes washed or bags packed the week before the due date.

Use the same crib mattress for the new baby's bed that has been used for several winters as a tree cushion when sledding.

Go to the movie theater to purchase movie theater popcorn and a fountain pop without seeing a movie because you're that desperate for a little relaxation.

Sit in your car after a girls' night ends early because you're not quite sure your kids will be asleep yet.

Forget the exact date of your third child's birthday because “it's hard to remember if it's the 7th or the 17th.”

Use swim diapers when you run out of regular diapers because the trip to the store is too much to handle right now. And planning ahead is too much to ask for.

Skip flavoring medicine for your infant, even though the doctor and pharmacist say it tastes like salt water without flavoring. Because it costs an extra $3.

Heidi Woodard and Melissa Cruickshank work full-time together at a health insurance company. Both are married. Melissa has a daughter. Heidi has two sons and a daughter.